hello hello dear old blog whose existence giveth sustenance to several generations of mold

have been in generally quite a miserable mood the past few days. my new room isn’t panning out like i thought it would and the people i love are only ever free on weekends so i spend my weekdays bored out of my skull and weekends desperately trying to stretch 48 hours longer plus there was the terribly bad idea of confessing where i really go when i don’t come home and of course it’s only a week into december and yet i am already close to broke.

on the up side i have two very pretty new bras thank you girls and i cant wait to show them to you!

this is a nice idea though, one that i completely agree with -

I am nearsighted. Once, for about forty-five minutes, I thought this was a blessing. At that time, I was lying on the floor of a small cabin in Vermont on a cold winter day. Inches before me was a glass of claret, nearly empty, its stem sunk deep into the russet pile of the carpet. The orange flush of a roaring fire was dancing on the belly of the glass. It was beautiful, and it was all I saw clearly. The rest of the room was a warm blur. I felt alone in an elegant old photograph, a tintype with softened borders.

…

I contemplated my great good fortune. Only the nearsighted could truly understand the comforting intimacy of their affliction, I thought. Only the nearsighted can remove their glasses and be suddenly, profoundly alone with the book they are reading or the person they are loving.

am to count the number of boxes in the house tomorrow, i estimate there are more than thirty in my room alone and at least three times that in the rest of the house. moving should be a blast! fun with cardboard and lower back pain here we go here we go here we go ~

[19:04:08] Tai Yinxia: murt be nimble
[19:04:11] Tai Yinxia: murt be freak
[19:04:16] Tai Yinxia: HAHA
[19:04:29] Tai Yinxia: murt be jumping over candlestick
[19:05:32] debra chan: HAHA
[19:06:03] debra chan: bra be fat
[19:06:04] debra chan: bra be slow
[19:06:10] debra chan: bra jumps over and burns her toe

but seriously, who doesnt train and gets all As for IPPT anyway? or at least would so have. i protest for you! (in my head) you freaky long-armed monkey reach over here and hug me now

it’s getting worse innit? im going to have to start a paper bag fund so i dont make the little children cry when i go out in public.

my face! permanently disfigured! (more so than before) made the most of it by walking around with bk looking down at the ground very meekly and sniffling a bit whenever someone passed us.

heh kidding. but this sucks i look like a grumpy chipmunk

lessons learnt over the first four days of my twenty-first year:

1. turning 21 doesnt automatically make you smart and grown-up, it just makes you sad because you now feel obligated to act smart and grown-up when you know all you really want to do is stay in school and muck around with capsule shells forever
2. it is possible for a rabbit to have two hearts and a piece of paper left inside him after major surgery and still survive to look devastatingly intellectual on my bed
3. the anesthetic used in wisdom tooth extraction will, over time, migrate away from your jaw to leave the gaping hole in your gum throbbing like hell but your ear completely numb.
4. my mother will actually believe me if i tell her that i fell on my neck and bruised it
5. warmth is very nice, especially if it comes in the form of sticky-out hair and tiny sleepy eyes, i dont like sleeping alone any more

the lian fringe is kind of a fail, but i will persevere!

OH MY GOD DILATANT FLOW. this is so so cool. hahaha!

also kindly stop verbally abusing me.

i think i might be falling in love.
it’s a very scary feeling.
but exhilarating
kind of like what i imagine bungee jumping to be like
only BETTER.

anyway ive realised this blog is becoming increasingly narcissistic and pointless, might probably do it a bit of good to stop writing till i find something else to talk about other than myself or bananas models. in the meantime i shall concentrate on being less neurotic and growing out my fringe to the side in as ahlian a way as possible.

(-:

heey someone finally clicked the bananas models link! only to discover it no longer works. whoops. this one will go on click it again, make me happy. haha.

im already happy!

alright no more abuse of the poor anonymous person. im tired and sad and suddenly very very discouraged and there are a million little niggling things sapping my energy away bit by bit. i want to be in love and not to be fooling around. i want a good hug from a good guy. i want to know how to have a normal conversation. i want more time.

most of all i want things to go back to the way they used to be.

me me me.

or is that just the ennui and general reluctance to get down to work talking? hm.