you know how when youre little you take everything literally? i always used to wonder why my mom would give my dad directions like ‘go straight’, when it clearly wasn’t possible because the road ahead was, you know, not straight. in my head i would always be going ‘not straight!! there’s a lamppost there, so it should be right and then left and then straight’. and then when my dad called home and talked to me, my mom would ask ’so what did he say’ and then i’d go something like ‘uh…he said…hello small girl how are you…aiyah he said so many things how to remember’

ok there’s no point to this, just that ive realised i was a really stupid kid and up till now i still feel very smart when i know to tell a cab driver ‘go straight’ or my mom ‘he’s coming back now’. incoherence over.

anyway tried cycling to bishan again and made it there early on account of my brakes giving out halfway and me zipping along the rest of the way screaming and flailing.

only joking, i went super slow after i discovered the front brake was shot and used my feet to slow down (if you trace my path you’ll find little pieces of slipper along the pavement) but not before skidding halfway across a pedestrian crossing and having to frantically waddle the rest of the way to the road divider while drivers rolled past ridiculously close to me and shook their heads. one of them actually stuck his head out to yell OI XIAO MEI YOU STUPID AH.

am inclined to think i shouldnt cycle any more. but i like it! especially now that i’ve discovered how to work the fiddly bits on the handlebars and no longer have to slave up the hill in highest gear. sigh

but i cant wait for camp! and to start work! aaron very nicely met me to hand me the JD stuff, even having to sort-of study during vacation is worth it im gonna work in the AIRPORT MAN

‘Cause while the sinners sin, the children play

series plug: watch extras. really. the first season is terribly funny, and the second season just sucks you in and even though it gets really depressing it’s all worth it (it doesnt end at s2e6!) thank you sne for turning me on to this, i cant even describe it properly oh

Oh Lord how they play and play
For that happy day, for that happy day.

lol

You may be wondering why I, Adrian Mole, a provincial intellectual working in a library and Sharon Botts, a provincial dullard, working in a laundry are having a relationship. The answer is, sex. I have grown to be rather keen on it and find it difficult to stop doing it now I’ve started.

R3CRU1T EXPR3S5 IS SUCKING MY MONEY BAHHH I AM SO PISSED SO PISSED SO PISSED SO PISSEDDDDD

hey pissed has stopped looking like a word. but i am never going back there again, my pay is supposed to be ten an hour instead of fucking six. FUCK. thats almost HALF. FUCK. all i could do when i found out was go FUCK very loudly and repeatedly (in my head because they were people i’d known for two hours)

also notice the clever disguising of the RE name, i am brilliant and will not get sued for slander hoho. even though this is not slander in any way or form, this is the TRUTH NOBODY SHOULD EVER GET A JOB THROUGH THE BLOODY AGENCY EVER AGAIN.

anyway. went for a terribly long cycle at eleven, in retrospect i should have left it till some time other than the start of the afternoon. rode all the way from my house to marymount road in an attempt to see if cycling to my tutee’s house would be possible, probably not unless she doesnt mind having a sticky panting red-faced tutor because what with always having gotten around in vehicles with nice strong engines i never noticed it, but from hougang to bishan there’s a incredibly long stretch of uphill road and my legs gave out when i was almost at the top, causing me to flop off my bike and almost hit a lamppost, no doubt much to the amusement of the drivers at the traffic light right beside me. (ok i exaggerate, i managed to dismount with creditable dignity and hiding of just how noodly my legs were, right up till the point when i hit the lamp post, but i think i managed to turn it into a casual lean)

also my bum hurts. cycling is very bad for females, you’re basically mashing your most delicate bits into a hard little tube-like thing, and when you go over bumps there is nothing between you and external infertility (i made this up, but entirely possible) except standing up, which is not possible if your legs are as noodly as mine were. i dunno if it’s better for guys, because they have more bits in the region of the seat and their bums -

pro: your balls can cushion your bum.
con: your balls are cushioning your bum.

solipsism

okay reading about this kind of thing at two in the morning is bound to make your head explode. unless, of course, i actually am a brain in a vat, in which case the mad scientist who’s controlling the brain is making me think i might be a brain in a vat instead of a girl sitting in the dark reading about brains in vats, and my brain isnt in any real danger of exploding, unless he takes me out and drops me onto the floor.

in either case my eyeballs are throbbing and i think i will go to bed, mister mad scientist, if you will please to turn the brain off.

random bit of hilarity

The book was commonly known as the Buggre Alle This Bible. The lengthy compositor’s error, if such it may be called, occurs in the book of Ezekiel, chapter 48, verse five.

2. And bye the border of Dan, fromme the east side to the west side, a portion for Afher.
3. And bye the border of Afhter, fromme the east side even untoe the west side, a portion for Naphtali.
4. And bye the border of Naphtali, from the east side untoe the west side, a portion for Manaffeh.
5. Buggre Alle this for a Larke. I amme sick to mye Hart of typefettinge. Master Biltonn if no Gentelmann, and Master Scagges noe more than a tighte fisted Southwarke Knobbefticke. I telle you, onne a daye laike thif Ennywone half an oz. of Sense should bee oute in the Sunneshain, ane nott Stucke here alle the liuelong daie inn thif mowldey olde By-Our-Lady Workefhoppe. @__*Ӯ@;!*
6 And bye the border of Ephraim, from the east fide even untoe the west fide, a portion for Reuben.

—

*The Buggre Alle This Bible was also noteworthy for having twenty seven verses in the third chapter of Genesis, instead of the more usual twenty four.
They followed verse 24, which in the King James version reads:
“So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life,” and read:

25 And the Lord spake unto the Angel that guarded the eastern gate, saying Where is the flaming sword which was given unto thee?
26 And the Angel said, I had it here only a moment ago, I must have put it down some where, forget my own head next.
27 And the Lord did not ask him again.

watched movie with sister – v. good, lots of suspense and sexy men who tragically died for their country, although they started looking the same after a while and i never managed to figure out which country exactly they were from, germany or holland, perhaps a combination. but the lead female had fantastic boobs! phwoar. bloody jealous one me. (there was also frontal male nudity, but we shan’t go into that, because it was of a quite disgusting fat hairy man, and im pretty sure male bits aren’t supposed to be that black HA xia it’s not just old people apparently) i know what you’re thinking, such a terrible sister i have, first she scandalises me then brings me to clubs and now movies with NUDITY gasp but it was fun plus she very nicely paid for the movie heeh

abovementioned unbelievably sexy men, one of:

general swooning and delirium, this is the kind of picture grown women keep in their purses to take out and peek at at night when their husbands are asleep.

on the extent to which i suck

first tuition lesson with a primary six girl (who incidentally is going to have major eyebrow angst once she realises she has two hairy friendly caterpillars mating on her face) and i didnt know how to do a question, i asked her to ask her little primary six friend and get back to me *_* it’s actually harder tutoring primary school kids because theyre so appallingly uninformed, especially in the finer points of algebra and calculator-usage. had to check my long multiplication with her wtf

i realise i sound like quite a pompous ass here, but hey i hate kids. well known fact. im in it purely for the MONEH, although the caterpillar bit was maybe a little bit mean. she’s smart i guess, if otherwise incapacitated by the mysteries of X and Y

anyway the question that shamed me and my eighteen years of quality education:

5 discs and 3 VCDs cost $36.30
2 discs and 6 VCDs cost $48.60
how much does each disc and VCD cost?
and more importantly, where can one find such a shop? presuming it isn’t cash converters, and presuming the VCDs don’t have titles like SpiceWorld.

there was a charming little back story to the question about a person called ahmad, or ravi or sue or some other racially/sexually appropriate name, and his/her extremely cheap purchases, but i have forgotten it. how do you solve it when the girl doesnt understand

x + y = 2
ergo
x = 2 – y

how? how???????!! it must have something to do with models, i used to have a nifty template for models and loved it to death and divided every model into exactly proportioned parts, but that was half a lifetime ago goddammit