hello blog

so i logged in to get my blog address (yes i actually forgot it) and for some reason a lot of people visited this thing around christmas, there was this huge pointy thing in the middle of the nice plain of zeroes and ones. why would anyone think i would update? ever since i stopped going to church ive spent all my christmas eves and days at home with my big old sissy watching tv and stuffing my face with cereal.

(the above written just after new year, after which i gave up writing again without even first managing to start)

it is now almost march, all around me people are turning twenty one. its a very nice way to get to catch up with long-lost friends and be pleasantly surprised (or otherwise) by how the people you know know other people that you know but never thought they’d know.

but i dont want to grow old

ive always harboured fantasies of dying young and fast, from a horrible car accident or maybe a coin cavalierly tossed down by a diner from the top of the westin concussing me. dying young is good, firstly because people will mourn your wasted youth and always remember you fondly (as opposed to dying old, when your children/grandchildren will be more grateful that no one will crap all over the place again, partly true story) and secondly because then you wont have to graduate from twenty years of school into the huge and ugly and mean and endlessly exhausting world of work.

i know im a coward but honestly, even thinking about internships and preceptorship gives me the screaming heebie-jeebies. beneath my apathetic and lackadaisical exterior lies an even more apathetic and lackadaisical interior, and instead of eagerly running around going for interviews and doing in-depth research on companies i picture myself sitting on my ass in front of the computer half-heartedly checking out the home page of merck but then getting distracted by free downloads of the o.c.

ah i dont know. things are changing, life is sad, i miss some people thousands of km away to death, and i think the best way to go is to inhale a whole roomful of helium, because it is painless plus you get to amuse yourself by squeaking a lot while waiting to asphyxiate. but im only kidding

trawled through a lot of versions of this song on youtube but they were all slooow and boring and depressing. the one i like best isn’t there i dont know why, the saddest sad songs are those that sound happy.

*oh yeah and to the commenter, im not sure if youre a person or a sneaky virus because the email i got from wordpress looked extremely dubious so im not gonna email you. my gpa for the first sem was a very mediocre 3.6 and i doubt the dentistry people looked at that, a levels weren’t too bad though so maybe that helped. if youre a real person good luck and remember not to tell them you floss every day! and if youre a sneaky virus i say to you PAH